Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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