I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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