i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
