New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
