nut hugger
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
