The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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