Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
