ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
