I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize