Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
