so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I only lived at night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
