Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
