That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
