I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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