Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
