My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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