i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
