I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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