Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
