shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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