i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
