Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
