Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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