after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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