I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
