Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
