I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
