Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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