I want to have your abortion
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
