Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
