Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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