I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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