My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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