Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
