I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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