Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
