Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
