On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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