Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
