You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
