no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
