if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
