Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
