do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
