Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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