Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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