BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
