I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
