Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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