She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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