guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
