Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
