I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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