I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
