I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize