Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize