I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
