yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how drunk are you?
Several
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
