I love having hate sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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